Frasier's Admittance
by araiday
Summary: Frasier muses while Niles and Daphne dance in "Something Borrowed, Someone Blue."


Author's Note: Takes place during the scene in "Something Borrowed, Someone Blue" where Frasier watches Niles and Daphne dance at the Wayside Inn. I'm just tuning in to Frasier's thoughts on the whole matter. I've often thought Frasier interfered way too much in his brother's personal life. In this, he admits why. See end for more self-indulgent ramblings.

Legal stuff: In a stunning turn of events I found that I have actually owned these characters for nearly ten years! Why didn't anyone tell me while the show still aired?! Seeing as how the show is long since over, I gave it back to Grub Street, NBC and Paramount. C'est la vie!

FRASIER'S ADMITTANCE

Imagine my surprise to find that I, Frasier Crane, am jealous of my little brother. I've never been jealous of my brother…not a whit. Yes, I may be a bit, well, _envious_ of a few of his accomplishments. Maybe I envy (again, only a bit) his status as Corkmaster. Perhaps his home at the Montana is a skosh more opulent than mine…as if I needed to flaunt my wealth like _some_ people. Maybe those 10 or so extra IQ points irk me a tad. All right, 27 points! I'm certainly not jealous of any of this. Heavens no! All of those examples were just (slight!) cases of envy. I am a psychiatrist, of course. I know the difference between envy and jealousy. They are completely different! Yes, neither of them are very healthy emotions, but envy is definitely the more appropriate of the two and...

What was my point again?

Oh yes. Jealousy. Not that I have ever experienced it before. Never. Not even the time when…

All right. All right. All right! So I'm (gulp) jealous of my brother. It came upon me with such complete surprise that I first assumed my subconscious was playing another elaborate trick on me, much like my little erotic dream of Gil Chesterton. Boy, I'm still not over that one! In fact, just the other day I turned tail and ran when I saw him walking towards me. Of course, that's really nothing new. I always turn tail and run upon seeing Gil. Bad example. And again I'm straying from my point…

Which was? Oh yes. Jealousy about my brother! The little twit. Complete imbecile. Insufferable prig. Not that I don't love him dearly. Of course I do. He _is_ my brother, after all. He was the only one I could confide in during those dreadful school days. And I've grown very close to him again since moving back home. He is my friend - make that best friend. That's what makes all of this so difficult. **It **being his infatuation/obsession/whatever-you-want-to-call-it with Daphne. Whenever he was around her, I suddenly became a third wheel. "Hello Daphne! Oh yes, hello….uh, what's your name…? Oh yes…Frasier!" Hmph!

Good Lord, he really could turn into a lip-diddling loon when he was around her. I hated seeing him like that. It was just ridiculous. Besides, he was a married man; he shouldn't have been drooling after Daphne while locked in matrimony. Later, of course, he was separated. It seemed he was separated forever. But it still wasn't right–his infatuation with Daphne. It wasn't. How could he say he loved Maris and wanted to repair their rift and yet still act so insanely over Daphne? It wasn't fair to Maris or to Daphne. At least, that is what I would tell myself over and over. It never occurred to me that he might actually be in love with Daphne. Well, once again, imagine my surprise. I don't know when it hit me that he was in love with her. It must have been some time ago. Maybe it was the moment he actually sat on that couch and watched as Donny Douglas proposed to Daphne. He had to sit in horror as she accepted. The utter irony of it all is that his advice, well, his second bit of advice, caused her to accept. He was willing to let her go. I don't think I could have been able to do that…

But before that, I honestly didn't realize. I thought it was just a flirtation at first. I thought it would go away in time. It didn't, obviously. He just became more crazed. He became an idiot. And Daphne never had a clue–or did she? Well, who knows about that? All I knew was my brother was making a complete fool of himself over a woman who would never share his feelings. He had to know it was futile. I had to point it out to him - again and again. And if it wasn't futile, it was at least the wrong time to go about declaring love. Why, there were divorces to finalize, boyfriends to get over, and my brother's embarrassment to save. That's a good enough reason, right?

The problem is, my reasoning wasn't sound. I thought I was saving my brother further embarrassment. I think, now, as awful as it sounds, I was really saving myself the pain of seeing my brother happy. Who could really say that Daphne would not have reciprocated his feelings? Why couldn't she? My brother is a good person. He's not too terrible to look at, I suppose. He is a gentleman. He is worldly. Of course, there is that insufferable prig side to him, but Daphne could have been just the woman to help him with that side of his personality. Lord knows she can really cut through the crap. If he had spoken up all those years ago, and I had actually encouraged him, would it really have been so awful? Well, it would have been awful for me, because I have a feeling that if she had shared even an ounce of his feelings, they would have been deliriously happy. And where would I be? I would still be alone, divorced – twice, and living with my father…and his little dog, too. Only I would have had the added pleasure of seeing Niles and Daphne together and happy. Dear God.

But they aren't together, of course. Daphne may have admitted having feelings for Niles, but she denied it later. Who am I to say she isn't telling the truth? And why am I so jealous of my brother when it is now quite clear that Daphne is about to marry Donny and Niles has just married Mel? I'm certainly not jealous of his relationship with Mel. Good Lord, what was he thinking? Nothing, I suppose. That's the Crane mentality for you. I suppose he does care for her. I can see that. She seems to make him happy. Seems being the operative word. I don't know. I do know one thing: the look in his eyes whenever he sees Daphne - it's just not there when he looks at Mel. I know, because I've tried to find it on several occasions. It just isn't there. I thought I would be happy that that ridiculous gaze was missing, but I'm not.

But here I am, sitting at a table at the Wayside Inn, right after Daphne's rehearsal dinner, and I am staring right at _that look_. It's there in plain sight. The thing is, it's not just on Niles' face, it's on Daphne's as well. For heaven's sake, it's unmistakable. And that is why I am so damn jealous of my little brother. The brother with 27 more IQ points. The brother who stole the title of Corkmaster right out from under me. **That **brother has a beautiful woman gazing at him with the same ridiculous expression on her face. The same look that I've seen on my brother's face lo these many years. I've never had a woman gaze at me like that…

Damn them both. What can I do? I know Dad told me to make sure I know what I'm doing. Well, I don't know for sure. Do I? Oh, for God's sake. I've got to try to make them see. I've got to try to tell them both what a mistake they're making. But it might make this all the more painful, won't it? Breaking up two people's marriages? That's four people's lives. Not to mention Dad and I. Oh yes, and Eddie too. We can't forget Eddie, now can we?! No, I can't butt into this. It's not my life.

But it _is_ my brother's life. He's my brother and I love him.

"Oh Niles. Could you come upstairs with me for a moment? There's something urgent I need to discuss with you. No, it **can't** wait."

END

© 2000, Andrea Day

--

_If you would please indulge me…_

_This little story was written back in the summer of 2000, after the seventh season finale "Something Borrowed, Someone Blue" aired. That episode sent my inner gushing fangirl into overdrive. I had never written a fanfic before; my thoughts were that they were only for Star Trek fans. This fic has been sitting on eunice's now defunct Frasier site all this time. I had forgotten all about it until late last year when I signed up at fanfic (dot) net. I signed up here mostly to read and review, but I thought it only fair that if I'm going to go about critiquing someone else's work I'd better put my own out there for public display. I have long since drifted from Frasier, even before it ended, but I'll always remember it as a wonderfully witty and well-acted program. I'll miss it._


End file.
